Learn Why Experts Say That Focusing Only Upon Weaknesses Will Not Make You Happier, Healthier and More Joyful

In this article you will learn more about the importance of wellness and happiness. But it is not what you think. Getting rid of anger, fear, and depression will not automatically cause peace, love, and joy.

Jill’s Story

Jill was experiencing considerable anxiety about having lost a job. She was searching and searching for work but it wasn’t coming together for her.  She came in for counseling expressing considerable frustration but she had also developed marked anxiety about going to interviews. 

Job Interviews Can be Stressful

Just prior to a recent  interview she had a panic anxiety episode. She was able to gather herself and completed the interview but came away believing she had bombed it.

In counseling, Jill was able to develop a better strategy for approaching interviews which gave her more confidence.  Through Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) she was able to challenge some of her limiting beliefs.  She also developed some methods to reduce her anxious arousal and even some sleep management strategies.

After about 8 counseling sessions, Jill was feeling much less anxious. After about another 30 days she was hired by a firm which met her needs. She contacted us and let us know how pleased she was to be working at her new company.

Six months later, Jill contacted the office. She was still pleased with her new position but was “still unhappy.” Jill needed to overcome her anxiety and have a strategy for her job search. But, she erroneously believed that getting a new job would make her happy.

Jill had gone from -4 to zero on the negative/positivity scale but she also needed to move into the positive realm (e.g. +3 or +4).  The road to wellness and being happier is not just overcoming weaknesses.  It is embracing and enhancing your strengths. It involves incorporating into your daily life positive psychological principles.

If you want to learn more about happiness, well-being and positive psychology, please read on.

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The absence of dysfunctional emotions does not imply the presence of a positive emotional state or wellness. 

Developing meaning and happiness in your life does not mean that you are not sometimes sad. Being sad at times is part of being human.

Changing the way that you relate with states of mind has everything to do with creating a positive life space and optimal human functioning.

Over the many years I have been practicing psychology, I have learned that a person’s well-being has much to do with their perception of themselves.

How you relate to yourself through a clear lens is so important to your sense of happiness.  Failing to see your positive traits and potential can result in feeling less happy and being less healthy.

Fixing What is Wrong Will Not Make You Happy

When we have a focus on our weaknesses, we often time fail to see our strengths.  As a psychologist, it is important for me to ask my clients about their strengths and what has been happening when things are going better for them.

While helping people overcome weaknesses is important, it is far from the complete picture.  As has been said previously, the absence of pathology does not mean that the person is well. We need to go beyond fixing the problem to make life more fulfilling and meaningful.

Many practitioners have developed the disease or sickness model of looking at human behavior. Fixing what is wrong does not lead to wellness.  Getting rid of anxiety, stress, anger, depression or compulsions will not automatically lead to peace of mind, happiness and a joyful existence.

Just because one is coping better does not mean that they will not have negative states of mind.  Positive changes might involve becoming more aware of the things in life one is grateful for. It might involve developing a greater appreciation of what one already has in their life. 

Developing coping skills that enhance well-being in spite of negative life experiences is helpful in moving toward a more comprehensive and joyful life.

Performance is Enhanced by Boosting Strengths

When we correct our weaknesses, we do not automatically create superior performance. There is a faulty belief out there that high performance will occur if we repair our faults.  Psychologists and training programs in industry typically focus on eliminating a client or employee’s weaknesses. Similarly, our educational systems focus on errors and mistakes the student makes.

Boost Your Strengths

Despite the above, researchers have found that boosting a person’s strengths, rather than working on weaknesses results in higher and even peak performance.

What Can you Do?

So what are a few examples of what people can do to increase well-being and happiness?

One example is to recognize the paradoxical nature of control and avoidance. For example, if I told you to not think about a pink rabbit for the next several minutes you’d be hard pressed to do it. The more you think of not thinking about the rabbit the more you will tend to think about it. Accepting that we have both negative and positive experiences is the key to better wellness rather than fighting them. “I accept that I am anxious but  I chose to go for  a walk and keep my exercise routine anyway.”

A second example has been referred to as “benefit finding.”  People have grown substantially when they have overcome the adversity of a challenging life event or even trauma. I am thinking about some of the veterans I have treated or even some of the more famous Holocaust survivors who have contributed greatly to our world like Otto Frank who published The Diary of Anne Frank, Dr. Ruth Westheimer (Dr. Ruth),  or Simone Veil who was the first woman president of the European Parliament.

Engaging in a gratitude exercise each night before you go to bed. Or sharing a one thing you are grateful for each night with your child and asking your child to do the same can improve well-being. When we commit to this we look for positive acts or events that are occurring during each day. We prime ourselves for being positive.

Research has shown that:

·      Gratitude can be learned

·      Gratitude can be increased

·      Those with more gratitude reported fewer health complaints

·      And had fewer physical illnesses

·      Spent significantly more time exercising (nearly 1.5 hours more per week)

If you want to learn more about positive psychology and wellness, reach out to us for a free 20-minute consultation. We are here to help.

Sources

Bakker, A. B., & Bal, M. P. (2010). Weekly work engagement and performance: A study among starting teachers. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 83, 189- 206.

Clifton, D. O., & Nelson, P. (1996). Soar with your strengths. New York, NY: Dell Publishing.

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 377-389.

Harter, J. K., Schmidt, F. L., & Keyes, C. L. M. (2003). Well-being in the workplace and its relationship to business outcomes: A review of the Gallup studies. In C. L. M. Keyes & J. Haidt (Eds.), Flourishing: Positive psychology and the life well-lived (pp. 205–224). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Helgeson, V. S., Reynolds, K. A., & Tomich, P. L. (2006). A meta-analytic review of benefit finding and growth. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74, 797-816.

Sheldon, K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006). How to increase and sustain positive emotion:   The effects of expressing gratitude and visualizing best possible selves. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 1, 73-82.