Do You Have a Fear of Making Mistakes?
Looking across the room I could see the pain on his face as he grappled with the notion of trying to get back out there in the world of dating.
Richard (not his real name), now 68 years, had lost his wife seven years before after 31 years of marriage. He was afraid to make a mistake.
He was caught in the trap of a Fearful Mind. Afraid to make a mistake or perhaps look “foolish” to people who knew him.
As he spoke about his loneliness and often sense of isolation tears formed in his eyes. But being the ‘tough guy’ that Richard was he held back from allowing himself to cry.
He had acquired a loving companion. A yellow retriever ‘Molly’ who gave him unconditional love. But it was not the same as the love he had lost and yearned for now.
He was afraid to join a dating website. The reason?
He might make a mistake. People might laugh at an ‘old guy’ trying to find love again. After reflecting upon his fear, I said:
“The biggest mistake anyone can make is to try not to make any.” A pearl learned from many years of working with this fear and making my own mistakes.
After a moment of silence, I followed up with:
“And the second biggest mistake is to not learn from the mistakes you do make.” In the military they call this “lessons learned.”
In my mind, I said to myself as he was processing those thoughts:
“And getting safely to the grave is not really what life is about.”
Now please don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that some people should not make mistakes.
Subway drivers, surgeons and airline pilots’ mistakes could be deadly. But they do practice for hours with simulators, most likely making mistakes along the way from which they learn.
Being timid in real life is a risk. We can be mistaken in assuming that making mistakes can’t be a good thing.
Mistakes have resulted in the invention of fireworks, heart pacemakers, the microwave and even Sweet’N Low.
What my client learned in the course of our work together was that life is an adventure not an avoidance plan.
We frequently restrict ourselves out of fear of what other people might think.
We live but are not really alive when we do this.
Ask yourself if your life is really risk free. When we avoid opportunities, relationships and new adventures we can look back on life through the poison of regret.
When we develop a Fearless Mind and let go, life can open up new opportunities, and doors that we may not have even imagined.
For my client, we worked through the fear and strategized on how he might again find love. And he did!
And for Molly, she also appreciated the new love he allowed into his life.
And, if you’d like a little help with developing a Fearless Mind, reach out for a free initial 20-minute strategy session.
COME TO FEARLESS MIND