DISCOVERING SECRETS NOW TO OVERCOME YOUR ADDICTION TO WORRY

Dale Carnegie once said, “Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.” Worry is something that I encounter in my practice daily. My son had hamsters when he was young. Those hamsters used to run around that wheel in the cage every night. They would go and go and go but never get anywhere. That’s worry. It will prevent you from attaining happiness and success. To help you understand this problem and potential solutions, I will present a simulated case. While the person is not real they will represent the kinds of issues I see frequently that addiction to worry can bring.

Addiction to Worry

April (not a real patient of mine) started counseling with me many years ago because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking – April was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. What if I never get well? What if my husband gets sick? What if I run out of money? (April and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). What if my son gets into drugs? What if my kids don’t get into good colleges? What if someone breaks into the house?

Worry and Physical Illness

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet, even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop April from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the false sense of control that worry gave her.

Worry Turning Point

Many people come from a long line of worriers. Some family members spend their whole life worrying. If you live with an adult who worries, you may grow up modeling this kind of thinking and behavior. Some people worry daily until the day they die. However, like April, you can decide that you don’t want to live that way. The turning point for April came the day her husband and she were going to the beach. She started to worry that their house would burn down and her children would die. She became so upset from the worry that she had to turn around and come home. She knew then that she had to do something about it.

Clues to Change

As we started to examine the cause of April’s worry, we realized that she believed that worry would stop bad things from happening. Her mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. Unfortunately, she concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. Her father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. But her mother believed that nothing bad happened to her father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died from cardiac problems that may have been due in part to her constant worry. She believed that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. Her father was still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!

Insight About Worry That Helped

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for April to stop worrying, she needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. She needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it was having grave negative consequences to her health and well-being. Once she understood this, she was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever she worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.

Changing Worry Is A Process

April was in the process of learning this. Over time she was able to see that her worry made her feel very anxious and depressed. She was able to experience that when she didn’t worry, she was not nearly as fatigued as when she allowed her addiction to worry to take over. She became aware that when she stayed in the present rather than projecting into the future, she felt much better. The key for April to stopping worrying was in accepting that worry did not give her control.

The Illusion of Control

Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us is not easy for anyone who worries. Yet, there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I’m stuck thinking about the future. Neuroscience informs us that when we are in the moment we produce parasympathetic nervous system activity. We are more calm and can make better decisions. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!

It has been said that “Life is available only in the present moment.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

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